Maybe you hate your job. Maybe you receive non-sufficient funds letters from your bank everyday (not that that has ever happened to me). Maybe you shamelessly flirt with everyone in sight, but your relationship status on Facebook remains “single.” Leave those hopeless feelings behind and read on.
About a year ago, I was on the verge of applying for a government bailout. Broke. Depressed. Dark-rooted. Then I saw a movie on the shelf: The Secret. I laughed the entire time that I watched it. The premise is that if you tell the Universe that you want something, and that if you believe enough, you will receive. One segment showed a man who painted pictures to control his love life. When he wanted lots of ladies, he drew himself with a harem. When he was ready to settle down, he drew himself a wife. I believe in the power of positive thinking, but seriously?
A few days later, when I realized that my net worth was -$435.78, things weren’t quite so funny. I had to take matters into my own hands, so I drew a picture of myself with money surrounding me and covering my body. I also drew a friend with money coming out of her pants. I put the pictures on the fridge so that I could stay focused on my goal.
One week later, I received a check from my old job for $800. The next week, I received a tax return of $1400 (after working for only three months). A few weeks after that, my salary doubled. And a creepy guy offered my friend with the money in her pants $600 to start a relationship with him (sometimes the universe is quite literal). The results were undeniable. When I tried to spread the good news, people laughed. My co-worker asked if I would draw a picture of a clean house for her. But the mockers were the first in line when the drawing materials were handed out. Here is a testimonial from my Facebook wall from a young law firm associate whose boss suddenly gave her the weekend off:
“I'm so glad we're friends now and that I met you and you introduced me to the power of the drawing - it's changed my life. I'll say that on the infomercial, too. Just ask!”
This phenomenon has spread, and the true test of its validity will be the number of mid to late twenties girls who marry their crush in 2009. One such wedding is already scheduled for May 16, but I know that there will be more. Let me know if you need me to utilize my artistic talents on your behalf, but for now I will be busy waiting for my bilingual PhD with a copy of The Economist in his hand.
Oh man, what a post! Quoting Jenn Wheeler, mentioning the money in pants story, and alluding to lots of 2009 crush weddings! I'll have you know my drawing is working out quite well...
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go draw a picture of my daughter, potty trained. I'm glad you have helped me figure this one out. I asked my sister, and she had paid someone $500 to potty train my niece.
ReplyDeleteumm Jill you are really strange but please draw a picture of me surrounded by bars of gold and a giant chocolate cake (like the costco one Mom wouldn't buy me as Troy was dancing with a treat for each hand). This is Mer its posting as you because I forgot to sign out after looking at Lacey's blog ooppps
ReplyDeletewill you please draw me a pic? let us discuss.
ReplyDelete