One night while I was living in Honduras, there was a knock on my bedroom door. When I opened it, I was pleased to see my maid’s crazy, uni-browed daughter, “Carmen.” She had taken a moment out of her regular schedule of singing “Hallelujah” out back in a voice that sounded like first grade recorder players. “Teléfono,” she announced. I went downstairs and answered it.
Man: Are you Miss Jill Wagner?
Miss Jill: Yes.
Man: I am calling from the Municipality of San Pedro Sula. There have been some problems with the phone lines and the water service. What is your address?
Miss Jill: My address is ...... (Ok, that may not have been my brightest moment, but in Honduras addresses didn’t always help-it isn’t like you put it into mapquest)
Man: Have you had problems with your services?
Miss Jill: No
Man: What channel are you watching (lots of phone surveys ask that)?
Miss Jill: None
Man: I have heard that you are a foreigner. Do you have any complaints about San Pedro Sula?
Miss Jill: No.
Man: I don't believe that.
Miss Jill: Too bad-I don't.
The man starts getting nervous like he can't remember the questions that he is supposed to ask.
Man: Is it true that you sang in a concert last week at school?
Miss Jill: How do you know that?
Man: Everyone knows.
Miss Jill: Who are you?
Man: Long made up Spanish name.
Miss Jill, in English: Yeah right.
Miss Jill hangs up.
Five minutes later the phone rings. It is Baby J. To this day, I do not know how they got my phone number.
Baby J: Hey Miss Jill. How are you?
Miss Jill: Why are you calling me?
Baby J: I'm bored.
Miss Jill: Who just pretended to do a phone survey?
Baby J: I'm so offended!! How could you say that I would do such a thing?
Miss Jill: I know it wasn't you. It was a kid whose voice has changed. Get some hobbies. Have your parents sign you up for some lessons or something.
Baby J: This is my hobby.
Miss Jill: Bye
Phone rings again.
Miss Jill: Stop calling (hangs up)
Phone rings again
Miss Jill: Hello (in a man voice)
Baby J (unnerved): Who is this?
Miss Jill: Your mom (hangs up)
Phone rings again
Miss Jill: What do you want?
Lil’ M: Hello Miss. I am long Spanish name and I did the phone survey.
Miss Jill: Good job. Your parents will be really proud.
Lil’ M: The best moment of my life was when you said "Your mom" in the voice of a man.
Miss Jill: Thank you.
Lil’ M: Can I have Miss A's phone number? Miss A. was the hot counselor that all the teens had a crush on.
Miss Jill: Sure, here it is.
Lil’ M and kids in the background celebrate: Miss, you are the best!! We love you!
Miss Jill: I know
Phone rings again
Miss Jill: Hello
Baby J: Ummmm... I don't know how to tell you this, but that wasn't a real phone number.
Miss Jill: Sorry, I must have made a mistake. Here is the real one. Bye.
Phone rings again.
Miss Jill: Hello
Baby J: Miss, I don't find this to be funny.
Miss Jill: What do you mean?
Baby J: That taxi company got mad and hung up on me.
Miss Jill: Nervous laugh. Have a great night!!
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Sounds like you were never bored in Honduras. By the way - I love the new look of your blog, very cute! Would you mind sending me your email address? My mom wanted it. Thanks! :) In case you needed it... mine is camille_wagner@Hotmail.com.
ReplyDeleteI am laughing out loud. Seriously. Those are my peeps! Ha.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I told my sister you started another blog and sorry, but it was private. She was bummed. She said yours was always good for a laugh. So if you feel like inviting her, she'd be thrilled. She's not a stalker or anything. Let me know. She'd love it.
You're really going to put your full name on your blog when it goes big? Stalkers, girl. You'll have SO many prank calls...starting with the mormon moms who designed this blog.
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