March 1996, Bus En Route to Disneyworld
I held my palm out expectantly. Sheryl's* eyes narrowed under the crusty, fortified dome of her bangs. "I have a gift for this," she assured me. "Oh it's very clear. The love of your life is a redheaded boy who you will meet at the zoo. Let me know when it happens."
2009
Sorry Sheryl, still waiting. I decided that I needed to seek spiritual guidance from a more reliable source and was happy to discover this woman charging $5 in the West Village:
It seems like the economy has hit the astrology industry hard, because people are constantly handing out pamphlets with discounted reading rates next to my work.
Anyway, I entered a small room with a Saints decorating motif and sat down. Mrs. Donna, the psychic, pressed a $20 bill into my hand and implored that I squeeze it. I squeezed with all my might and she began to prophesy. I learned:
* I am going to be the Chairman of the Board of a large charitable organization.
* I am going to soon be offered two jobs by people with a J in their name. In one, I will earn three times my current salary and in the other much, much more. However, the company with the more lucrative offer will go bankrupt, so I should not accept.
* I have loneliness that I am hiding from myself written in my hand.
* In 2 1/2 years I will be very rich and successful and in 5 years, my life will be perfect (that doesn't seem very soon).
* My friend Sally* will become very sick, be hospitalized and the doctors will want to perform a hysterectomy. She should not let them, because she is destined to have twins.
* My friend Cindy* had an opportunity to become famous, but she lost her chance and will remain anonymous for life.
We are skeptical of these predictions (although me becoming rich is a given). However, she successfully identified:
* My ulcer problem.
* The fact that when I try to decide what I want to do in the future, my mind goes blank.
* Sally's fiance's name. She said, "It's George, but I keep seeing a J for some reason." His name is Jorge.
* Cindy's issues with her man's lack of a skincare routine and his current location.
I will keep you posted as these events unfold.
* Names changed
Whoever cindy is I'm sure she doesn't appreciate the way you made her life sound after this visit...
ReplyDeleteNice door and art work. Take the second job and then ask the psychic the day you need to quit it.
ReplyDeletep.s. I wished you'd asked what the smoke really is in "Lost".
That's funny - I read an article the other day about the fact that more people are turning to psychics in this economy for advice. Glad to see your's turned out well! Hope you remember us little people when you're rich!
ReplyDeleteA psychic once told me I would have eight children. Hahaha. Ha ha. She did correctly predict the color of my future husband's eyes.
ReplyDeleteI had my palm read last summer at a party. The guy told me I "have a charmed life" but not in the sense that everything will be perfect. My charm is, and I quote, "more like good parking."
ReplyDeletethis is sooo funny! you have no idea how hard this post made me laugh. last summer a friend of mine from egypt read my palm. she did a really good job i feel like. even though nothing she predicted has happened yet. BUT, i still want to go to one of those psychic places in nyc. $5 seems cheap. where is the one you went to located exactly?
ReplyDelete