In Which Sports Drinks Fall From the Heavens Like Manna

Poverty is very real in this cold, unsympathetic city. For example, I received this text from a comedienne friend, "Eating mac and cheese for Sunday dinner but I don't have milk or butter so I had to make it without." I have the sinking feeling that that recipe is not heading for the latest edition of the ward Relief Society* cookbook.

Last night I was traveling home with said friend after her show in Queens, and we found ourselves facing insurmountable challenges. We had been waiting on a train platform for more than a half hour, when we heard someone yelling "ASGDFJHNKJGVNFJHJEAABBGF" from upstairs. We were concerned that it may be an official announcement from the New York Metropolitan Transportation Agency, but were unable to find a reliable translation. We went upstairs and again heard, "ASGDFJHNKJGVNFJHJEAABBGF" issued from a mouth that made me wonder if MTA employees have dental benefits. We finally ascertained that although there were quite a few people waiting on the platform, none of them would be going home anytime soon.

We gave up and braved the horrors of Times Square to walk to another train station. It was hot, we were surrounded by homies and fanny packed tourists, and it was past midnight. I was thinking about sitting underneath a glowing Target billboard and letting myself drift into the afterlife when a miracle occurred. In pristine condition sat these Gatorade bottles, still in their original plastic wrapping, on top of what may or may not have been cardboard with trash underneath it.



We debated over whether to claim our karmic spoils and I asked,"What if we are secretly being filmed on Dateline?" My friend confidently replied, "We will explain to them our financial situations. I'm pretty sure that they will understand." I was also concerned that the bottles had been injected with A.I.D.s (I don't have health insurance), but we decided that we should take them because bottles that size probably cost $5. I am going to drink it today, so if this blog is never updated again, you know what happened.

* Mormon organization for women