In Which Miss Jill Attempts To Break Into An Industry Currently Dominated By Asians

A special shout out goes to my landlord today, for violating New York law by not turning on the heater. Thanks landlord, for making me sick and denying Spanish education to Turkey's future leaders. Based on my voice alone, you would expect to see a senior citizen with a tracheotomy, not a brilliant young woman in the prime of life.

Today my friend, let's call her "Japanese Eye Candy," kindly came over to bring me some orange juice and Dominican beef (we have to work with what the barrio gives us). While she was there, the Nineteen-Year-Old Model was on the phone with a man she met through a millionaire matchmaker service she joined last week. Millionaire members of the service pay $30,000.00 to get set up with young, nubile models. As Japanese Eye Candy is a kind, caring individual, she was concerned about Nineteen-Year-Old Model's physical welfare.

JEC (Japanese Eye Candy): Aren't you worried that some of these men are going to expect something after spending all of their money on you?
NYOM (Nineteen-Year-Old Model): No way, I tell them what I'm all about. We're just friends.
JEC: Don't you think that it's kind of dangerous? What if something happens?
NYOM (with conviction): What could possibly be dangerous about money?

Afterwards, while NYOM was submitting her photograph online to castings, she requested that I position my foot so that she could snap a picture with her phone.

Miss Jill: What are you doing?
NYOM: Starting your foot modeling career.
Miss Jill: ?????
NYOM: This casting is perfect for you. They are asking for size 6 feet.

Technically, they are 5 1/2, but I can't let technicalities impede my nascent modeling career. This is my equivalent of modeling headshots (don't worry, I already know that my feet look like a National Geographic spread about the dangers of albino foot binding):