In Which Miss Jill Is Relieved To Note That She's Not The Only Nut On The Family Tree

"If I don't find a man this year, I might have to graduate." -Female Relative, BYU Junior (this is a hint)

"He was so retarted (sic)."-Female cousin, hopefully doesn't remember writing that

"Let's go shopping at 'Pubics.'"-Male relative, referring to the grocery store "Publix"

"If I stay single for much longer, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have to sire a b@#tard child. It's the only way that people will know that I'm not gay." -Male Cousin, Age 27

"I'm so old, I can say whatever I want. What are they going to do, shoot me? That would be a favor!" -Male Relative, 80

"Whoa, that guy looks just douchy enough for me to be attracted to him."-Female Cousin (I appreciate self-awareness)

"Wow, this show has a really good plot." Middle aged-male relative, not realizing that Baywatch was on

"Cats marry cats, dogs marry dogs." -Female relative, in reference to interracial marriage (luckily my parents are more progressive than that)

My youngest brother, sadly, when I was a junior in college and my sister was leaving home for the first time: "I wish that there was no such thing as college... except for Jill."

In non-relative news, I just received a text that said, "Do you feel like having me and two Iraqis sleep on your floor tomorrow night? The have an RV, but it sounds like a nightmare taking it to New York."