In Which Miss Jill Shares Hard Earned Economic Advice: Part Two

Economy got you down? No worries, the chronically unemployed Miss Jill is here to help you out. These methods are probably most effective when you are the spawn of the upper middle class, but have fallen on hard times. Actually looking poor may hurt your chances of scoring free merchandise.

Sephora

Does your income force you to reach for Wet n' Wild and Cover Girl, when you have grown up on Lancome and Estee Lauder? Do you need a quick fix because you are running into your crush or do you have to be somewhere important in the middle of your walk of shame? Sephora has your back. Because most New York stores have terrible customer service, you can develop an entire look without running the risk of an employee accosting you. I stopped in one day on my way to meet someone and I left with a new face created by a Dior makeup artist from Moscow.

Macey's Makeup Counter

Because I spent my formative years with the complexion of a Bubonic Plague victim, I like expensive foundation. The Macey's Elizabeth Arden counter is especially helpful, because they never have the lightest foundation colors in stock. As soon as they tell me that my color is not there, I begin a rehearsed monologue on the difficulties of being pasty white. Then I list all the cities that I have lived in which this product was also out of stock. As this is not interesting, they desperately squeeze a month supply into a sample jar and send me on my way.

Bakeries at Closing Time

On Thursday I was at a bakery in Hell's Kitchen with my cousins. In spite of the fact that my cousin was loudly outing Daniel Radcliffe for several minutes (really, who would want Equus associated with their demographic?), the flaming bakery worker sent us home with large bags full of baked goods.

Penn Station Terminal

If you are homeless and dirty, you could probably get away with this one. Because one of my college friends wanted to save money for snowboarding, she went to Costco every day at 3:00 p.m. (sample time). As this is not necessarily an option in Manhattan, a close second is Penn Station at rush hour. Everyone is in such a rush that the food service crew is almost grateful to you for taking the samples off their hands. The portions of the smoothie samples are liberal enough to tide you over a while.

Harlem Library

Before I amassed a critical amount of library fines, I went into the public library in Harlem and found a book about Cuba. As I went to check it out, the library employee said, "Just go ahead and keep it. No one wants that book." The residents of Central Harlem knew something that I didn't, because that book had about the same entertainment value as Twilight. But it was free. However, a myspace/AIM using teen stole my hat at this same location.