In Which Miss Jill's Life Has More Rodents Than The Subway Tracks

On a balmy Honduran night in 2007, I entered my room and discovered a cat-sized rat lounging peacefully on my makeup case. As it fled, I screamed and my trusty maid Olga came running. "We must set some traps," she said with gritty determination. "But if I see one, I will beat it with my broom until it dies."

As makeup is an important part of my life, the experience was quit jarring. I thought that I was over it until this week. Due to our house nearly Chernobyling, I left a window open to ensure that no one in my household would sustain more gas leak related brain damage. I saw the error of my ways, however, when I received a text that said, "OMG I JUST SAW A MOUSE IN HERE!!!!" As I am cunning, I tried to take advantage of the situation and responded, "It would probably help if you did your dishes and moved the thong that you left on the living room floor. A mouse could have babies in that." She replied, "I am too scared to leave the loft bed."

Before going to bed, we set out some traps. When I woke up at 5:00 the next morning, I heard a strange rustling sound. I came out of my room and greeted the mouse, who was running wildly through the living room with a trap attached to its tail. Dealing with that did not seem up my alley, so I pretended that it wasn't happening and went to work.

A few hours later, I started talking to the nineteen-year-old model on Facebook chat. It was 8:00 a.m. and she had just come home for the night.

Miss Jill: Hey girl. Have you seen the mouse?
NYOM: Nope. Just sitting on the couch.
Miss Jill: Look to the right.
NYOM: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG asdjflaksd gjaklsdjf sdlkfj It touched my hand.
Miss Jill: I will buy you dinner if you get rid of that thing.
NYOM is offline

I frantically texted, "Are you alive?" No answer. Then 30 minutes later I received this photo text:



Apparently NYOM picked up the mouse with cooking tongs and threw it onto the fire escape. It lost a brave battle against the elements and entered immortality last night.