In Which Miss Jill Gives Thanks That Her Relatives Are As Eccentric As She Is

Let’s be honest with ourselves-if you hate football, Thanksgiving is kind of boring. One of my beautiful memories is of the time that one of the missionaries gave my brother a black eye during the annual church football game. However, this is my best memory:

Thanksgiving 2001, Boise, Idaho

Thanksgiving was big that year, and most of my extended family was present. After listening to people’s boring musical talents (no offense), we were finally free to play a pleasant round of spin the gourd. Sorry to disappoint if you are hoping that this story ends with filial piety of the basest form, because Uncle Oed stayed home that year. Basically, if the top of the gourd landed on you, you had to divulge a secret about yourself or do a dare. Grandpa was even playing, although his idea of “truth” was telling lengthy stories about his college fraternity.

First, my 15-year-old cousin “Matt” was dared to call his long term crush, Mieko. When he got her family voice mail he stammered, “Uhhh…. Hi, Mieko. Uhhhh… this is Matt… uhhh…uhhh.. (cough)….. I uhhh…. want to tell you uhhh… Happy Thanksgiving!” hangs up. If I were in Mieko’s family, that voice mail would have been played at least 20 times.

Then my cousin Mikael (no name change necessary due to a general lack of shame) was dared to call someone’s neighbor (who she had never met) and ask him out. She grabbed the phone enthusiastically and dialed. “Heeeeey,” she greeted the unsuspecting victim. “I’m Mikael, Bobby’s cousin. He thought that maybe we would like to get to know each other. Let me tell you what I’m all about. I’m tall, blond, thin and (lowers voice dramatically) I’m a dancer. What are you doing tomorrow?”

Somehow through all of this, we ended up meeting this neighbor (he doesn’t deserve a moniker) and his friends to go to the movies the next day. We hated them, so we fled the scene without explanation.

I can’t remember if this was the year that my cousin Lacey ate an entire balut for the video camera, but needless to say, it was a poignant family Thanksgiving of the Norman Rockwell variety.

Disclaimer: This was 8 years ago, I did my best in recapturing the dialogue.