Last night when I returned home, the nineteen-year-old model (NYOM) was preparing for a night on the town. She asked, “Do I seem like I’ve been gaining weight?” “I have no idea,” I replied and even if I thought that she had, there is no way I would say it-I’ve never adopted that Latin American habit. I only notice weight if there is a gastric bypass involved. If someone looks skinny at all I inquire, “Have you lost a few pounds?” It’s almost never the wrong time to say that one.
“I figured out a way to disguise my weight gain,” she bragged. My mind was assaulted by haunting memories of the Christmas season. “Tell me more.” She lifted up her skirt and revealed several layers of duct tape wrapped around her lower abdomen. “It was sticking out,” she said. “And now it isn’t.”
In unrelated news, I might have mentioned that people utilize our elevator as a urinal/barf bag and it reeks accordingly. A tenant decided to take matters into his own hands by lighting an incense stick and taping it to the wall:
You should tell your roommate about Spanx. I've never used it but imagine it would be more comfortable than duct tape. How was she planning on removing it?
ReplyDeleteJill you are giving away all my secrets, I am patenting that shiz right now.
ReplyDeleteOuch... Duct Tape?! That stuff chemically bonds with stuff. Box tape might be a better idea ;) My best friend used Duct tape to hold things in place on her wedding day and ended up with blisters and skin coming off when she removed it. eeeee NOT FUN.
ReplyDeleteI don't think a day will come when I stop hearing about innovative uses for duct tape.
ReplyDeleteDuct tape, incense: both awesome examples of ingenuity. God bless America.
ReplyDeleteYowsas on both counts.
ReplyDeletei have a question, what will whitney's name be when she turns twenty? TYOM? it just doesn't sound too good i think...anyway, ive thinking about this all morning...as dumb as it sounds...
ReplyDeletewow. its true. beauty is pain. That would hurt so bad.
ReplyDeleteYou should tell her they sell stuff to do that for her.
Oh- and I never answered you. I looked it up and I found that obama used to smoke. But he says he doesn't anymore
Thank you for two examples of the indomitable human spirit. Love handles and malodorous enclosed spaces are no match for the human genius.
ReplyDeletei am currently in a play set back in the 1700s. Our director really wants to be authentic, so all the women are wearing tight laced corsets under our costumes. Every night. until march. for four hours. And I can tell you, I am pertty sure duct tape is more comfortable.
ReplyDelete