Because of my looming 29th birthday on Thursday, I have had to face some undeniable truths.
How I Know That I’m Getting Old
1. I go to parties and don’t recognize any Top 40 music. The only way that I recognize any songs is if I am at some kind of Latino activity or a 90s theme party.
2. My roommate comes home for the night when I am leaving for work.
3. I go to movies by myself sometimes and I like it.
4. I see opportunities to move abroad again and I don’t take them.
5. When I watch tv, I see advertisements for Depends and Cialis (ok, I’ve always liked news channels, but it is starting to hit closer to home)
6. I have been capable of conceiving a child for almost twenty years (freakishly early bloomer).
7. I am an expert on how to achieve optimal intestinal health
8. Last week I paid a chain smoking, jean vest wearing Russian to scrap off the top layer of my skin.
9. My friends and I ask each other questions like, “Would you rather marry a divorcee or a widower?”
10. I remember having records and She-Ra, but my mom wouldn’t let me get a slap bracelet.
While we are on the topic of my insidious decline into middle age, I think that you are probably curious about my birthday wish list. I believe in using the direct approach. Here it is:
1. Pens-I find myself writing with lipliner more than I would like to acknowledge.
2. Instant Oatmeal
3. Granola Bars
4. V05 99 cent shampoo for thin hair
5. Taco Bell gift cards
6. Old books you don’t want anymore. College History and Humanities textbooks a plus
7. Omega 3 fish oil pills
8. Magnesium supplements
9. Those swiffer mop pads. Love them (this request is further evidence of the aging process)
10. If you are rich, Target or Barnes and Noble gift card
11. Tickets to long, slow moving art films
12. Frozen fruit
13. Bagged spinach
14. Hand-me-down clothes in size 8P or shoes in 6
15. Hairspray
16. Bobby pins
Thank you for your courtesy and cooperation.
haha you make it sound like your one step away from collecting social security. Whatever.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a Happy Birthday!!!
Dude, I love going to movies by myself every now and then. Especially the $6 movies on Saturdays.
ReplyDeleteMemory lane.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, my best friend was a girl, so I am well versed in both She-Ra and slap bracelets.
In fact, I just sat down with my daughter to watch She-Ra on YouTube a few weeks ago.
Needless to say, those episodes and the He-Man episodes are not nearly as cool as they once were.
It is all a matter of perspective. 29 sounds really young to me!
ReplyDeleteHoly Crap Jill! This is all too funny. I didn't realize it, but I'm in the same position you are. So thank you for the wake up call. ;)
ReplyDelete~I like the Thunder Cats myself. But I also watched Top Cat and my favorite of course was Tom & Jerry.
~I now get up really early because I have to pee. (This is fairly new).
~I can't stay up late and get up early and still expect to function.
But I still consider myself young. If I muster up the energy I can still do all the things I did when I was younger. I just no longer have the desire to.
Jill! haha you are so funny! I dont think that you are OLD at all.. I also dont think i'm old but i had to worry when I remember wanting to go to a movie by myself last week! UH OH!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite is #9, marrying a divorcee or widower...couldn't stop laughing! I remember our late night runs to the Wilk for Taco Bell. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm decided to keep claiming 29... follow my trend. :)
ReplyDeletecan we go to an arty slow moving film asap? please?
ReplyDeleteSure, I'm in
ReplyDelete