In Which Miss Jill's Roommate Uses Scrapbooking Skills for Evil

Due to the high price of housing in New York City, for many of us, roommates are a necessity. This has its pros and cons. The other day my friends and I were discussing roommate issues and my friend pitched the idea for a reality show where people would nominate the worst roommates that they had ever had. The terrible roommates would live in one house and they would all steal each other’s stuff, cause unnecessary drama and create titanic, pestilent, disasters throughout the house (and refuse to admit that they had done it). They would all slowly starve to death because they were used to stealing other people’s food. The last person to withstand succumbing to the plague would be the lucky winner.

One morning at BYU (since I was an undergrad, it was probably around 2 p.m.), my peaceful slumber was disturbed by a rustling noise. I jerked awake and came face to something with my roommate’s 200 + lb unveiled anatomy. As she didn’t notice me, she felt comfortable enough to bend over, pick up a pair of underwear from the floor, sniff it for freshness and put it on. This was traumatizing for a young teen, but I stayed until my grandma convinced me that she was like those Columbine kids and gave me some money so I would move out.

I moved in with another girl who made her own dress with a vegetable pattern and had a picture of a naked mole rat displayed above her bed. Although I hate homemaking skills and wild-life, she was one of my favorite roommates of all time. Debbie, if you are reading this, I want to come visit you in New Jersey (especially if you live by WalMart-my apologies to any readers who met their spouse at an anti-Walmart rally).

Another one of my favorite roommates was obsessed with Celine Deon and lovingly sent her a Book of Mormon. In the month of June it was Celine month, and that was the only thing that you were allowed to listen to. I lost track of her after she went into the MTC, so if anyone happens to know Aubrey Celine Oman (she’s probably married, but I don’t know her new name), please leave a comment.

However, my most notorious roommate of all time still has to be a woman known only by the moniker “Biggity Brown Shuga.” Her luscious Tongan hair was arranged at the top of her head in the shape of a heart and it once got caught in a tree while she was checking out a guy in front of the testing center. I kept comparing her to Absalom, but no one understood that Biblical reference, so that joke fell flat. In spite of the fact that she called me “honkey” and “cracker” a few times, we all thought that things were going swimmingly. We realized that we were wrong, however, when my other roommate came home and found a seemingly innocuous greeting card on the windshield of her car.

Said greeting card featured the faces of three girls, carefully crafted from construction paper. One was blond, one was a brunette and one was a redhead (just like us). Cute. Then she opened it. The inside dropped down like a scroll and featured a long list of grievances against us-we hadn’t realized that we were living with a veritable Martin Luther. She moved out shortly thereafter, but magnanimously left us a rich legacy of making fun of “The Craft.”

Don’t worry, I’m not going to start a series of defaming my ex-roommates online-I’ve done some jacked up stuff myself and I still like almost all of you (even the ones that I had issues with at the time).
Let’s hear some of yours…