In Which The U Penn Bookstore Gets Revenge on the Turkish Girls

Ok, I must admit that the blog is being sacrificed on the altar of an hour and a half extra sleep. I kind of miss the B Train regulars-300 lb black guy with a tiny bike, that's you, but my life outlook has improved quite a bit.

Today we (the Turkish School) paid a college exploratory visit to the University of Pennsylvania. I had already been to Yale and the University of Connecticut and this tour guide was the least annoying by like a million percent. The Yale tour guide was this nerdy girl who was trying to look cool by telling us that she wrote a Twilight/Harry Potter hybrid. She was so socially retarded that every time she told a "joke," the kids looked at me, because I have not yet mastered my facial expressions in adverse circumstances.

Sorry, I digress. While we were browsing at the bookstore, two ninth graders approached me with large cappuccinos (I think they were cappuccinos, discerning types of coffee is not a skill that most Mormons have honed and I admit that I had to run that word through spell check) from the U Penn bookstore. The girls excitedly begged me to come to a corner of the store that featured a promotional Wheel of Fortune game. Most of the spaces had prizes like 15% off Penn gear or 10% off bookstore items. Not that useful. However, two of them said, "Free Hot Drink," which would mean that the odds of landing on "Free Hot Drink" were not overwhelming. I spun, landed on "Free Hot Drink" and got a large hot chocolate (if I were footing the bill, it would be, without exception, the smallest one).

I was so excited that I told every Turkish girl in sight to go play the wheel. We kept recruiting new players and time after time, they landed on "Free Hot Drink." We cheered, high fived and embraced, as the U Penn Starbucks continued pouring complimentary large drinks for people who would probably never return.

During our last round of victories, the employee sternly admonished, "You guys can't keep coming back here." I countered with righteous indignation, "No one has spun it twice." She answered me with an icy death glare (I don't know why a minimum wage employee would care if Turkish teens were getting dozens of free gourmet coffees).

Our victory was short lived, however, because we soon found ourselves in a two-hour information meeting sponsored by the admissions department. After about 45 minutes, I began receiving an avalanche of texts like this one-
Miss, I have 2 go 2 bathrom sooooooooooooooo bad. wat do I do?