From time to time, my students regale us with tales of teachers past. The track record/rap sheet of one of them, let’s call her Jr. Miss Bronx 1975, includes:
• Keeping money that students collected for charity.
• Extracting a monetary fine each time a student used a slang word.
• Forcing students to give her birthday gifts.
• Assigning students in one class to bring in food for her birthday party, and then throwing the party, with the food, in a different class.
• Coming to school without makeup one day and scaring everyone (this event is still discussed regularly).
Needless to say, she did not enjoy a long and lucrative career with the Turkish school. On Thursday, while I was teaching the eleventh graders, I heard a knock on the door. I answered it, and found myself face to face with a woman sporting a bouffant wig and arachnid fake eyelashes. This look works a little better on the 3 train above 96th (or the JFK Delta counter), than at our school. With hand extended, she said, “Hi, I’m Jr. Miss Bronx 1975. I’m sure you heard lots about me, all of it good.” Like a mother bear, I quickly scanned the room and noted the stark contrast between vibrant headscarves and the ashen skin of petrified faces. I stammered, “Yeah, girl. I’ve heard great things about you.” And then she was gone.
I closed the door and the room filled with nervous laughter and shouts of, “Your grade is F! Your grade is F!” Apparently that was one of her catch phrases.
At lunch, the visit was the topic du jour. The secretary asked, "Do you know why Jr. Miss Bronx 1975 came today?"
I responded hopefully, "To visit the kids?"
"No," she replied with a giggle. "She is selling underwear and wanted to show some samples. She was hoping that we would want to organize a lingerie party."
Then she pulled out a catalogue featuring full-figured lovelies in girdles. As I am currently the most scantily clad person on our staff (as a practicing Mormon, if you get my drift), I was pretty sure that the party would be a bust.
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Wow.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know the pyramid scheme realm had reached lingerie.
Although, I should have guessed.
Bahahahahahaha. One of my co-workers had to approach me once to figure out what kind of party that was, because she was under the impression from the invite that they would be selling pajamas.
ReplyDeleteI used to think I had a pretty good high school experience. Then I went to college and started to compare it to others. This Jr. Miss Bronx 1975 would have been right at home in my high school's faculty.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a time when Miss Jill received lingerie as a gift from her student!!! bahahahahaha!!
ReplyDelete"I'm sure the party would be a bust" ha ha ha ha nice pun.
ReplyDeleteI know of whom you speak, but I didn't know she now sold underwear... Classy.
ReplyDelete