Last night a Turkish woman told me that she liked that New Yorkers always offer to help her with her stroller on the subway. I recently had to lug a massive suitcase to LaGuardia (not by my house, but Delta was offering triple miles to use the shuttle service) and I paid attention to who offered to help (I am not a light packer). The only one that surprised me was a 100lb girl who offered to grab an end. As I often carry stuff that is too heavy for me, I have noticed some trends.
Who Will Help You By Demographic
Latino Men: 100% I actually sped up so that I would reach the stairs at the same time as one.
White Hipsters: 0% They will usually look at your epic struggle and then keep walking. This is no loss because they appear to be about as strong as I am.
White Men in General: About 60%. I think if I were a nineteen-year-old model this figure would be higher. This percentage raises for each mile they were born away from the U.S. Likelihood to help also rises if they are with a girl that they want to impress.
Black Men: Near 100%. Their weight threshold for hotness is higher.
Chinese: Not sure. One guy helped me unprompted and another guy helped me after he passed me and I called him a name under my breath.
I am not sure what these figures mean, besides that hipsters are a scourge and that we should all join the Hasidic Jews in eradicating them from Brooklyn. My Turkish students took a test prep class over the summer and this was how they described their instructor: "He should be wearing size medium pants, but instead he wears size extra-small." She flipped open her camera and showed me a picture of a young man with greasy, unwashed hair smashed against his forehead and confirmed my worst nightmare: my students were in the clutches of a hipster.
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