In Which Miss Jill Encounters the True Clash of the Civilizations

When I was a little kid, I saw the world in my head as a giant United States with tiny countries decorating the fringe. As I traveled and studied, the U.S. eventually shrunk to its proper size and placement. I say this in the spirit of full disclosure, because I think that some Americans think like that (yes, you in the crocheted American flag vest), but would never admit it.

I bring this up, because I think that many New Yorkers share this mentality in regards to the rest of the country. Sometimes it is hard for them to understand that there are idyllic cities where residents take clean public transportation and people don't casually yell at each other on the street. My Brooklyn born co-worker, "lilsexygina," becomes irate when she thinks about non New Yorkers enjoying the song "Empire State of Mind," especially when faced with the mental image of people in Nebraska playing it in the corn fields. As a proud midwesterner, I saw it as my moral duty to make it my ring tone to torture her, but this backfired on me when it went off at full volume in a silent part of Barnes and Noble.

Although I will always self-identify as a Chicagoan, I realized on Friday that I have picked up some New Yorker traits. A Children International employee approached me at Columbus Circle the other day and asked if I had a minute to talk about children. "Sorry, I don't have any money," I replied calmly. She followed me and said, "It will only take a minute." "I don't have a minute," I replied, thinking of weird Netflix documentaries and my air conditioned room. Then she asked, "Do you have a job?" Midwest/BYU Miss Jill would just run away. New York Miss Jill apparently would stop and start yelling at her about harassing people and then run away. I'm not going to lie, it was really satisfying to scream at someone who is raising money for starving children. Maybe not as fun as yelling at "disabled" people in the airport security line, but you will have to ask my friend, "Chad," about that.

This led me to think about all of the people that I have had showdowns with in the past few months. Here is a somewhat comprehensive list:

* Turkish Airlines
* Slumlord from my last apartment
* Delta (Resulted in 2500 free miles and a travel voucher)
* Dry cleaner (Resulted in my self imposed exile from said dry cleaner)
* JFK taxi driver
* Psychic from down the street who kept following me.

Darn, I guess that's all. I guess I'm not as hardcore as I thought.