In Which Miss Jill Shares Hard Earned Economic Advice*: Part V

These days so many of us are struggling to make ends meet, so I asked my most thrifty friend to compile a list of useful advice for all of my readers. Again, THIS IS NOT WRITTEN BY ME.

10 Helpful Tips for Surviving In New York City

*For all of these tips you must have no shame and not be easily embarrassed.

1. Carry ziplocks with you at all times.
You never know when free food will be available for you to take home. Don't worry about taking too much, just freeze it! Ziplocks are expensive you say? Why buy Ziplocks when you can get them at airport security for free? Duh, amateur.

2. Never eat your full meal at a restaurant.
Save at least half of it to take home. Fill up on bread; it is free and you can always ask for more. If your friends are finished eating and don't plan to take their leftovers home finish their plate too! When you get home stretch out your meal by making tons of rice or noodles to eat it with what you have. One restaurant meal will feed me for days.

3. Ride your bike or walk everywhere.
So many people pay for a monthly subway pass and a monthly gym membership. I pay for neither and am probably in better shape than they are. I got my bike from a friend for free but you can get one on craigslist for cheap.
*If it is horrible weather or you are going too far choose a subway station without an attendant where the turnstile is on the platform. Wait until the train is there and almost stopped, casually step over the turnstyle while pretending to swipe your card and run onto the train. (If you feel weird waiting for the train to come on the other side of the turnstyle you can stand near the stairs and fake a phone call until the train comes). If you are not tall enough to do this you can stand there and beg people with unlimited cards to swipe you in. Or borrow your supernice roommate's if she's not going out that night.

4. Be open to working for things, not just money.
Just like in the old days before money even existed. I modeled socks for socks and now have a huge collection of beautiful designer socks. I've worked as a hair model for free to get my hair cut or colored by top stylists at swanky salons. I've worked for hair products, clothes, sunglasses, spa gift certificates, etc. I just worked at a salon and got some shampoo and conditioner which I had to use google translater to figure out that's what it was "Balsamo idratante per capelli colorati e grossi."

5. Don't pay for cable.
You can watch anything for free on the internet. When I do want to watch something live I will get my headphones and go to the free gym in my building and sit on the exercise bike, sometimes I even pedal. If it is a popular show go to a bar and watch it with other nerds or a hotel lobby. Also there is Netflix. Now of course I don't recommend paying for a membership when you can get the instant play password from a friend. Just remember they can see all the weird stuff you watch. Ed. note: Yeah, I was liberal about giving everyone my Netflix password until American Pie: Bandcamp came up on the list of movies watched.

6. Bring an empty suitcase.
When you go home to visit your parents or go on a business trip where you know there will be an abundance of free food pack light and bring an empty suitcase if possible. When I come back from vising my parents I've got loads of Rice a Roni, Raisins, Wheat Thins, cereal, peanut butter, I even grab the Ramen. I know it's cheap but it's lightweight and easy to pack! When I came back from a business trip this week I checked an entire duffel bag full of Tropicana juices that I had gathered throughout the week.
*I can check one bag for free then I put all my actual stuff in my carry-on.
Ed. note: Be careful. I also do this with toiletries and my mother caught me in the act of putting bar soap in my suitcase. Now that I am 30, I have resolved to stop.

7. You don't really need a ticket for things.
I've snuck into the Nutcracker at Lincoln Center three years in a row, it is my own Christmas tradition. I've walked into Broadway shows multiple times. Sometimes they question me, I say, "My mom is in there, she has my ticket." It has never failed. Or just talk on your phone as you nod at them like, "Remember me? You just scanned my ticket." Ushers are out of work actors, they don't take their job seriously. They are too busy thinking "I should be up there on stage, I'm more talented than Alison Janey!" And they are probably right. (Yes I snuck into "9 to 5 The Musical" a few times). If you aren't brave enough to go at the beginning you can always wait until intermission and go in with the smokers.

You can also get in to conventions this way. Ed. note: This is anonymous,you can admit that it was Comic-Con. I've walked past those guards without a badge or waited to see what kind of stamp the workers have and made my own. I once made a red X with lipstick on my hand to get into a concert. You can also reuse tickets at some places. Check the trash around the exits and head on in.

Bonus: Opening night parties. After you've enjoyed the show follow the limos to the party location. (This is easy to do in Times Square traffic.) Walk in looking important and disgusted at the fans/groupies huddled outside. Look at the guy holding the list like "Unbelievable right?" Then look sultry and wave to someone inside the party. He will let you in. You will need Ziplocks!

8. Always be on the lookout.
For instance, in NYC things are being filmed on location everyday. That means free food is near! Take note of the signs posted around town that say what is being filmed there and when. Follow the "Holding" signs to a giant table of beautiful unlimited snacks and sometimes even lobster dinners. (See tip #1)
This includes keeping your eye out for people giving away free samples. There are free things everywhere you look; two bottles of Gatorade in Times Square! Four giant bags of McDonald's food someone had abandoned! My only regret is not taking all the ketchup packets so I could refill my bottle at home.
Last year I saw an ad for women to go on dates with millionaires. I signed up and ate very well for a few months and one of them took me to fashion week!

9. Let it be known.
Don't be ashamed of your frugality and people will look for ways to help you out. When my friend was doing a promotion in Times Square giving away samples of expensive hair products I went to meet her and she gave me a whole bag of them. My friend found a Metro card with a few bucks on it and saved it to give to me! Some wealthy women I work for have passed down their designer clothes, jewelery, purses and home decor.
Also, help people out and they will help you in return. I helped a maid in a hotel once and she gave me all the free toilet paper and tissue I could carry!

10. Never pass a trash pile without a serious look.
I find great stuff in the trash. Duane Reade dumpsters can have some pretty cool stuff after the holidays. A lot of the furniture in my apartment was found out on the street, including this beautiful secretary's desk I'm typing on now!
My neighbor came into my apartment once and it was awkward when he said, "Hey I used to have that same rug, I just threw it out!" "Oh, haha what a coincidence!"
Recent finds: Burton backpack, cool messenger bag, laundry bag, shelf organizer, a book of stamps!, jeans in my size, plastic organizing drawers (outside of American Apparel), this cool bookshelf I've wanted for years, 1/2 the books on my bookshelf, dish soap, leather knee-hi boots for Jill, new with tags shirts from New York & Co., a fan, full length mirror, an ottoman - and so many more!