Peace Treaty of the Lilliputians

When I was in fourth grade, I stood on the top riser for the elementary school Christmas program. It felt so good to luck down on everyone and sing the Dreidel song, but unfortunately, I was an early bloomer and I am still the same height (5'1"). My teenage brother, Baby Troy, has often put items out of reach and then demanded, "Jump, little hobbit, jump." Also, my friend Kristina used to call me the Pokemon, in spite of the fact that we were living in Central America and I was probably in the upper 10th percentile there. This is irrelevant, but I can also fit into shoe sizes that feature cartoon characters.

Anyway, I have felt for quite some time that seating at events should be assigned by height. And I also think that if you are taller than 6', you have no business sitting in the front row. Stadium seating is the best thing that has ever happened to my tribe. Last night Michelle Bachelet, the former president of Chile and current head of United Nations Women, gave a speech at Columbia University. I was really excited about it, so I arrived almost two hours before it began (I wasn't taking any chances). In spite of the fact that the only celebrities that I care about are political figures, the fruits of my eavesdropping made me feel like the head cheerleader at a Chess Club meeting.

Because of my early arrival, I had a pretty good seat. Bachelet entered and sat down and I had a perfect view because the two tall gentlemen in front of me were kindly angled at a V with my head in the middle. I could not believe my luck. Then, disaster struck. Out of nowhere, a brawny brunette moved in front of me and thus began a night of spinal gymnastics. Every time the Khloe Kardashian body double shifted, I had to readjust. To give you some perspective, Bachelet is my height:



I always hear tall women complaining that short women are stealing all of their men, so I suggest that, in the name of detante, stop sitting in the front row and we won't go for the 6'5" objects of your affection.