Once in Honduras, someone randomly pointed to me and said, "Esa muchacha es muy directa (that girl is really blunt)." That is actually only partially true-I am really only frank with people I care about, otherwise it isn't really worth it to me. So rest assured that if I sent you a curt text about your lack of reliability, it could easily be interpreted as, "I'm glad that we are friends." That being said, I cannot be relied upon to tell you that you look ugly or that your cooking sucks.
As I also care deeply about Miss Jill, I have been known to tough love myself. For example, I recently gently told myself that if you want to have a cooking hobby, you also need to have an exercise hobby. This resulted in buying a mini-elliptical machine that I can't figure out how to put together.
In that light, as many of us know, Mormons consistently suffer from PR problems. Although, it is fine to hope that people will not be offended, I think that the onus is on us to figure out what we can improve on our end to be less offensive. I myself was very annoying and sanctimonious after I graduated from college and moved to Honduras. I wish that I could time travel back to 2005 and b slap that girl. I would like to help others avoid falling into that trap.
In order to avoid alienating people....
Disclaimer-I don't think that most Mormons do most of this stuff, but the fact that anyone does is scary.
1. The day after your coworker's kid got busted for shoplifting at the mall, don't brag about little Ammon's Court of Honor (based on real life events).
2. Most people think that overly perky people are annoying. I am a morning person, so I sometimes have to fight this. Don't have a creepy permasmile and a glazed expression.
3. Stop getting haircuts that no one else in America has. People with slicked missionary 'dos or short, chunky layers with skunk highlights-I'm looking at you.
4. The Starbucks employee does not need to hear that drinking coffee is against your religion (based on real life events).
5. Unless you are their teacher, please avoid telling people not to swear unless they are dropping 25 f bombs a minute. Get over it. Once they get to know you, they will probably stop.
6. Don't try to be hip. There is a 99.5 percent chance that you are not. People like you more if you make fun of your own unhipness, trust me.
7. Don't sneak into the art classroom and put construction paper clothes on all of the nude prints (based on real life events).
8. Don't elongate the skirt on the stick figure on the women's restroom sign (based on real life events recounted by the person who did this).
9. Don't freak out about Coke products. I don't like soda very much, but I drank some Pepsi once just because a girl was loudly proclaiming to nonmembers that it was a sin.
10. Don't sever relations with friends and family members who leave the church and don't make people your projects.
11. Don't refuse to check someone out at the grocery store (as the cashier) just because they are buying a beer (based on real life events).
12. Don't yell at the other team's cheerleaders for being immodest (based on real life events).
13. Don't constantly spam Facebook with Conference talks and the caption "Love it!" or "So true!"
14. Don't view someone offering you a drink as a challenge to your moral code, when really they are just being polite.
I'm sure there are more, so maybe there will be part 2.
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This is excellent. I feel like this should be required reading for youth of the church. Like when they get a For the Strength of the Youth pamphlet, they should also get this list, so they can learn to be faithful members who don't suck at life in the real world.
ReplyDeleteI love this list. Can I add two more from personal experience? "Don't refuse to eat coffee cake because you assume there must be coffee in it." That was a companion from the mission that I definitely did not get along with. Also, don't tell your companion (who is just as Mormon as you, despite not being from Utah) that what her father does for a living-- investment counselor, so he invested people's money in the stock market for them-- is simply "legalized gambling." Sanctimonious much?
ReplyDeleteThe following are all true stories, to which I have been on the receiving end:
ReplyDelete1. Don't post a colorful note-card of quotes concerning the devil's control of the postee's soul (with their name substituted for the "he"s and what not) on their front door, when attempting to get them to go to church.
2. Don't call a potential convert a harlot and chase them out of the Relief Society meeting with a yardstick if they show up to church in slacks. They probably don't know any better.
3. Don't assume someone is drunk if they've had a glass of wine or a shot of tequila. Laughing is not a tell-tale sign.
4. When visiting a friend's house, don't hide their alcohol in an attempt to save them. Except maybe the rum- that will result in a humorous search if a member of the party is already legitimately drunk.
5. If you're sharing a bed with someone that has ever had intercourse (or you presume so), do not make them shower first and then refuse to touch them because you "don't want them to get the wrong idea".
6. A rave is not jumping rope to techno music while wearing glow sticks. And drinking too much Mountain Dew is not making "the walls melt, man, just like on tv".
7. Don't lie in wait to spray paint every person you see wearing skinny jeans, especially when you're hiding outside of the 21 at the University Mall. Bonus points if you have the audacity to yell "sinner" while doing it, and to hand the victim a copy of the "Word of Wisdom" afterwards.
8. Do not tell your roommate, especially on the same night he's broken up with his girlfriend of four years (namely me), "It's about time! Now she'll stop bringing the devil into our apartment so often. And we can find you a nice temple-ready girl to straighten you out!" Sorry, dude- I didn't realize that I, as the girl who would ride a bus down to the trailer park near the Provo Towne Mall at 1030 at night so that you wouldn't have to drive home stoned, was the one bringing the devil into your apartment. My bad.
Out of curiosity, is there a geographical difference for how Mormons refer to the "bad guy" from the scriptures? People I know from Idaho, the Great Lakes area, and Salt Lake (and north) say Satan, Utah County people and the few Southerners I know say "the devil", and the ones I know from California and the Midwest say "the dark one". At least there's some variety.
ReplyDeleteI have never said Dark One in my life, LV. Your list has received some compliments from my friends
ReplyDeleteThanks for passing that on! :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm also happy know that I was simply seeing geographical slang where there wasn't any. Utah County really makes you feel displaced sometimes.