One of my friends decided that the easiest way to get published was to write a chick lit book, so she read "Something Borrowed" as inspiration. Ladies, really? I feel the same way about romantic comedies. I watched 27 Dresses with my sister-in-law today and I found myself jealous of her limited English comprehension. I was going to make a New Year's resolution to stop watching movies in which you are faced to accept that life is an endless exercise in futility (as demonstrated by civil war, abandonment and the destruction of everything you hold dear), but the experience helped me to realize that I was actually on the right track all along.
Things I Hate About Chick Flicks
1. Girls Suddenly Get Hot By Putting in Contacts or Brushing Their Hair I would rather wear headgear than put in contacts, but I continue using them. I suspect that I watched too many questionable movies as a teen.
2. One night stands turn into true love- I'm not going to pretend that this never happens (and some success stories read this blog), but I think that it is rare. I think that there are a lot of men who will booty call girls that they would never have a relationship with and that causes all sorts of problems. The only girl I have ever met who didn't get emotionally involved after getting physical was a self-diagnosed nympho.
3. Comic Relief by the Annoying, Wisecracking Sidekick Who is Obese or Looks Like Kathy Griffin
4. They Make Women My Age or Older Get Crushes on Guys Born in 1992 (That's you, Team Jacob PTA Moms)
5. After a Night of Drunken Karaoke, You Realize That the Creepy Guy From Your Department is Your Soul Mate
6. Anything In Which the Heroine Runs Away From Her Problems to Exotic Lands Between us, as a nomad, I am going to have to tell you that your problems follow you, unless you figure out how to identify and to break your self-destructive patterns. Eat, Pray, Love is bad for society.
7. Declaring Love On a Megaphone, Microphone or With the School Band- I'm sorry, but if you decided to declare your love to someone you were not dating, would you really do it in a football stadium? My sister and I have both received declarations of love via text message, which is cowardly, but prudent. In my case, he was in the same room.
8. An Entry Level Administrative Assistant Can Afford a Two Bedroom on the Upper West Side
9. Running To the Airport and Stopping a Plane-I'm sure that most of you have been fondled in a post-9/11 airport, so I don't feel the need to elaborate.
10. They Make You Stupider*- I'm not saying that all of your time should be devoted to watching Ted Talks on youtube, but at least find something to do that will not irreparably destroy your understanding of relationships and society.
* Yeah, I know. Not changing that.
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When I was in high school a guy who I am pretty sure had a foot fetish serenaded me in front of my english class. I was not pleased. I got up and left the room without saying anything.
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister. I especially agree with #2-- how many women are now convinced that if they sleep with a guy, he'll fall in love with her? Thanks, Hollywood, that's exACTly what women needed.
ReplyDeleteEven more insidious is the more recent plot where the friends sleep together and eventually fall in love (Friends with Benefits and at least one other movie released this summer both hinged on this exact same plot). I mean, have we sunk so low that the next level is two people having sex and NEITHER ONE OF THEM loves the other??? And this is supposed to bring happiness? Scary.