Guilty Pleasures

First, an update on the Israelis. As a swarthy man dabbed Dead Sea cream on my hand at the mall today, I confessed, "I wrote a blog about you," and walked away before he understood. Then, I briefly forgot where I parked and had to do a few laps to figure it out. The same man offered me moisturizer four times. The last time, I unfortunately started laughing in his face and he yelled, "Why you laughing?"

Ok, for this blog, I asked people to tell me their guilty pleasures. Mine are definitely gchat and reading weird blogs about religion and social issues. If I am not on gchat during the day, I usually receive a few emails about my absence. I also enjoy picking off my sunburn skin flakes. What bliss!

Now, for my friends:

1. Lingerie... even before I was married. I like sitting around the house and cleaning in it.

2. Dancing naked in front of the mirror, because it is hilarious.

3. My guilty pleasure was so bad it only lasted one season. It was a Hulu-only reality show called "If I Can Dream." It was not even trashy in a good way, it was actively boring, but I kept watching because I absoltely hate not having resolution & I wanted to see if any of them made it to stardom. Answer: No.

4. Hostess cupcakes. Sigh. I used to buy them from the vending machines at BYU. I would try to look really bored as I put my change in the slot, a very "I am totally buying this for someone else" kind of look. I don't know what that face looks like, but I made a serious effort. Then I would go down the hall into a quiet corner and eat them. Succulent goodness. I was busted when, one year, my friends threw me an Iron Chef party. The surprise ingredient? A Hostess cupcake. The winning team made a giant cake that looked like a Hostess cupcake. When you cut into it, there was the real Hostess cupcake inside. A perfect combination of my guilty pleasure and my favorite word, meta. They won hands down.

5. Guilt is optional. That is my motto. If guilt weren't optional I would say fabric shopping which is unpublishably boring anyway. Ed. note: Nope

6. Looking at pictures of myself on FB or anywhere pics of myself are stored. I used to hide this guilty pleasure from people. Now I own it! Ed. note: I have known this person for ten years and do not recall this ever being hidden. Said respondent had an entire wall of photos of herself in the living room of a BYU apartment.

7. I like the frozen cheeseburger you can get in those Hungry Man Dinners. I wrap it in a paper towel, nuke it in the microwave, and enjoy the heck out of it.

8. This is a tricky one for me, because the things that I'm into that most people would label "guilty pleasures" I feel absolutely no shame about. This includes everything from ABBA to pro wrestling to the fact that Denny's is my favorite restaurant.

Ooh, I just remembered one: near the end of my Mormon mission, a Haagen Dazs ad came in the junk mail. It was a promotional tie-in with the "Bridget Jones Diary" movie, and the ad showed Renee Zellweger as the title character leaning over and showing a moderate amount of cleavage. I kept the ad on a table in the corner of our flat for over a month, looking at it for a few seconds most nights before going to bed. Missionaries are strange.

One current thing that might qualify is Celebrity Apprentice, which started its new season last night. I know it's an awful show, and the only reason I watch it is to see Ivanka Trump. She's pretty much the perfect woman. I think she was created in a lab.

9. All one person:
I'm not above admiring my naked body in the mirror
Mint Chocolate Chunk Ice cream (a direct violation with previous guilty pleasure)
Watching 'Strictly Ballroom' on loop
Any Movie at the IFC -- a solitary activity which I refuse to include anyone in
Telling my mother a "secret" that I request she not tell my brother, and then betting money with him about how long it will take her to divulge that information
Drawing people on the train, but as they would look in their underwear
Sabon's Lemon Mint Body Scrub
Anything serial and from the 90s, Felicity, The Baby Sitters Club, etc.
Boys with curly brown hair and blue eyes
Speaking in a British accent for hours with my roommate
Pinterest
Baking elaborate things with a million ingredients
Yellow flowers (which I often buy for myself)
Words with Friends
Theme parties
Restaurants that I read about in New York magazine -- which I must go to